I'm kinda hesitant to write this post, as I'm afraid that the people working with me in Intervarsity will see it and sort of be worried, yet I also need to put these words down. I'm writing this on a Thursday night, after our first Large Group of the year, and after a really long and kinda exhausting week. I should be doing my readings and homework for my 8:30 class tomorrow, but this needs to come out.
This year, our leadership team in Oxy's Intervarsity Chapter shrank from about 10+ to 8, and most recently, has fallen to about 6-7. Now, as a Large Group Team leader, my responsibilities and roles are set, but there is flexibility present in case there is a need. This week, I was present, wearing multiple hats at multiple times, and for the first time this week, I want to say: "I'm tired." "I'm exhausted, I'm scared." As someone who is very upbeat, who is the one who invigorates and excites others, who is not afraid to give every bit of my body for the Kingdom, it's hard for me to utter those words. There is a fine line from doing things truly for the Kingdom, and then seeing those things as a chore. I am afraid of crossing that line. I am afraid that if I am not there for people, then things will fall. I am afraid of letting people down. We are entering a series on Living Water, on Soul Thirst, and I truly need it. I am exhausted, and I need water that will quench my thirst, I need Living Water that will wash my sin, and invigorate my soul.
Let this be a prayer request for those who do follow my blog.